Lifting a flower?

The first class at San Ignacio de Loyola was a bit disorganized. The school was having some musical event making many of the students I will be working with unavailable, and also a number of students in my class today will never be able to return. Again, it seemed that for the first session I was expected to give some speech regarding what I'll be doing overall. Thinking that uninteresting and unless, I went ahead and had them clear the chairs in the room and start with some things. I'll go over my expectations, the purpose of the workshops, and discuss what they hope to get out of it, when all the students are present. They definitely seemed to have a good experience in the work, and move forward a bit even in that short time. Little things, like applause after a class, are good indicators that people are connecting in some way. Also, I went into deep negotiations on what else I can do for the school since they are giving the theatre space for Arte y Escuela, so it seems I'll be creating a short performance with children for the 20th Aniversary celebration of the theatre as well. Not a problem, I understand they are giving the space for the event. I find it interesting when things are framed as a choice, when in fact they are obligatory. They are not asking for a lot of time for this, luckily. It just feels odd.

Yesterday, I arranged for two days mid-September to improvise songs with my guitar to Dr. Seuss books at an event in the Botanical Garden. Wearing the Cat in the Hat hat.

I may delete what I wrote above about San Ignacio. Maybe that's something for my journal, not for the blog. But I haven't written in my journal today, nor in a couple of days, and I am just starting on the blog, so I can't help but write what's on my mind. It's definitely tricky what information to make 'public' and what to restrain. I know a number of the schools I'll be working with have read the blog, so am I able to openly discuss my thoughts and experiences? My feeling is, like I've said earlier, I'm not going to divulge any personal information about people I'm working with that is in the context of the work, except maybe with a distanced unidentifiable reference because a moment had a significant impact on me. But as for petty conflicts on the business end of things, I don't feel as concerned about putting them here, because I'm not violating anyone's trust, I'm just airing minor grievances. I hope this doesn't turn into a whine-log though, like a live-journal.
I'll save this as a draft before I put it up. Or just delete part of it.

Pre-meetings with the teachers from the various schools have been excellent though. Exactly the information I need, about who these student populations are, and why I'm being brought there.

Joseph Campbell just keeps popping up as important for me. Such clarity of thought, such honesty, such beauty, such deep connection, is in his work. I'm not sure there is another thinker I agree with so wholeheartedly and consistently. I say this, both because of the connection I have to his discussion of the symbolic/psychological function of story, but also because I want to develop an even deeper understanding of the implications of his ideas. What makes someone connect more thoroughly to their own trajectory? Both for myself, and for my students here? It's odd that in New York I've been mainly an actor, but teaching as well, while here my identity is as an actor, but I'm really only teaching. What I mean is, I introduce myself as an actor first, teacher second, while here, am I an actor, if it's not what I'm doing here? I guess the box I try to put myself in isn't so important. I feel really great being here, doing what I'm doing. It feels like a constant confrontation. I'm constantly feeling stupid for not understanding what people are saying to me in Spanish, constantly put in charge of groups of people and expected to give some sort of learning experience, ideally transformative, constantly being looked at on the street like some sort of 'other,' and necessarily confronting myself, in terms of how I conceive of myself, what it means to be an American in this world, the extent of my own privilege, what I really know and have to offer to students here, and where to go from here. Unless I am thorough in this confrontation, can I really ask students to confront themselves and their communities? I found myself, doing push-ups on the yoga mat Mariana gave me after not having done a push-up in bit, thinking there is really always further I can push myself, always. And the life really worthwhile is one where I challenge myself to be more alive in every instant. You might read that and say, no man, just chill out and ride the train. This I find tricky. I certainly don't want to be worrying about not being enough of something; stressing over moments of relaxation, or thinking I should be 'accomplishing' something rather than enjoying a sunset. That's not what I mean. How much I can put myself into the sunset is I guess part of it. Put the push-up in the sun set and the sun set in the push-up? I've been told my first word as a baby was 'more.' There is more sunset to be felt, always!

This really did turn out more like a journal entry, huh? Now you have a sense of what my journal is like, but make the thoughts far more disorganized, and bunch more ridiculous.

Here is the website with pictures of where I'm staying:
http://albergo.webcindario.com
I must say, Marcela is just the sweetest host imaginable.

Oh yes, forgot to mention last night I met up with Taller 7, there was a workshop there with a Brazilian artist named Wallace, and a whole bunch of other artists there to discuss each others' work. Then the Irish girls made fish and chips, we had some aguardiente, and went out dancing to live music at the crowded La Bon. I really need to work on my dancing. This is important. I feel muy gringo. I must dance more, literally and mentally. The rapture, and fully-aliveness of dance, is totally where it's at. Maybe tomorrow I'll dance to the sunset?

The blogger is being sensitive and won't let me save this as a draft and think about whether I should be writing what wrote, so whatever, here goes.